She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
