she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We just shotgunned beers for America
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
