im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
