my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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