Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
