oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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