the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
