Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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