the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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