Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
