ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's shark week go big or go home
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
