She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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