Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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