six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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