they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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