i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
