If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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