I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
