you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
