dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
