I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
