I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
