I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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