remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
