I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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