Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Four minutes until I can fart!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
