I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
