She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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