Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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