Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
