Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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