Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
