One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
