just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
