i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
