Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
