I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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