A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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