just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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