Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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