On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
