I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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