its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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