I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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