I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
