I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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