I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
