But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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