Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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