I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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