I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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