Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
